America's Son

File this one under "Our Workplaces Do Not Exist in a Vacuum."

One foggy evening, I'm leaving a West End meeting with a client and in the darkness at a stop light, a hooded figure — a black guy — starts running towards my car. I glance at my doors — and he winds up running past me because he's trying to catch the bus on the other side of my car. 

Does this make me racist?

A black mom advises her two teenaged sons not to wear hoodies, nor to walk around with their hands in their pockets. 

Post-Trayvon, does this make her over-reactive? 

Post-Trayvon, journalist Charles Blow recalled telling his sons to watch how they run, because a black man in motion usually makes people nervous and suspicious — not what is he running to (like a bus), but what is he running from (like a crime)? 

I've been in a handful of race relations workshops, at least one of which turned emotionally violent because the issues quickly polarized. One observer, a Canadian mayor from a city of at least 14 ethnic groups, shook his head and asked me, 

Michael Brown at age 16:
He wanted to attend college and
one day run his own business

"Is it only about black and white here in America?" 

Is my adopted hometown of Atlanta — this city symbolized by a phoenix rising out of the ashes — is this a city "too busy to hate," or just busy enough to sidestep a crucial conversation that's never been properly discussed, not anywhere in this nation, but especially not in places like Ferguson, MO? 

Is Mrs. Brown just another grieving low-income black mother (one of those social elements identified as "tearing apart the fabric of society"), or is she my neighbor, another mother who struggled to keep her child in school? If we buy into the notion that the fabric of our society is supposedly being torn apart by black men without work ethic, or black women bearing children without husbands, does it then make it okay to shrug off Michael Brown's death (or the death of any other youth from those presumed circumstances)? 

By criminalizing and dehumanizing both the youth and his circumstances, are we who are not black thus morally absolved of what happened last Saturday in Ferguson? 

Or is the hifalutin sacred fabric of our society even more threatened by what happened — because America's sons can die so violently in their hometowns, their bodies left on our streets for hours, while authorities scramble to understand how such things could've erupted in the first place?

Is the death of Michael Brown a social justice problem for just the black community, or is this one that belongs to all of us? 

I'm not asking you to give an answer. Just trying to round up the questions.

"It must've been my evil twin!"

I deliver a class on (workplace) civility and we talk a lot about cultural influences behind the incivilities we experience today. Reality TV shows, for example, are loosely scripted around escalating conflicts.

The rudeness people experience on social media is an odd phenom: everyone agrees it's deplorable, but nobody's responsible for those acts of incivility. I've concluded we each have evil twins running around, indulging in low-brow conduct.

Anyway, here's a rundown of what I'm talking about:

• Willfully misunderstanding the other person to position them in the wrong (and to put yourself in the right). If you don't understand their point, ask for clarification.

• Willfully (mis)characterizing the other person's motives. Before you make an accusation of their moral or intellectual inferiority, get an accurate picture of their motives first — from them.

• Name calling, insulting, baiting, goading, profanity, sarcasm. If you normally wouldn't say it face-to-face, then best not to launch the salvos from behind the medium. Remember that their loved ones may be following the thread. I've had to keep my 20something daughter from entering the fray when she felt I was being unfairly attacked. 

• "If you don't think the same way I do, you must be evil/moronic." Well, let the witch hunts begin.... Your moral indignation and their public shaming will not reverse any opinions. About the only thing that changes attitude and value judgment is careful listening: if you listen, you'll have earned your right to be listened to.

• Discounting someone else's personal experience as irrelevant or petty. Personal experiences lead us to our most closely held opinions! The more profound the experience, the more deeply set the opinion will be. (As a single mother, I might disagree with notions that "single mothers are tearing apart the fabric of society.")

• Understand that you can't fix the world's problems on social media, you can only try to understand the issues better via access to assorted viewpoints. At best, agree to disagree (so many of my Facebook threads have ended this way).

• If you post the topic, you're the host or "curator." It's the equivalent of having friends, acquaintances, and colleagues in your living room. Do you favor only the ones with whom you agree? Are you going to stand by, grinning, while others "gang up" on an individual? You need to be sure everyone behaves to your terms of conduct. You need to have terms of conduct.

• Always end the discussion as positively as possible. Wish everyone a good evening. Thank them for bringing their viewpoints to the table. Remember their spouses and families. It may be a cranky, begrudging finish, but try to leave it as friendly as possible. If you're a "guest" leaving the thread, thank the "host" for posing the discussion.

Engaging in debates, arguments, and discussions is not the problem. The problem is the way people choose to behave once emotions run high. This country was built on public discourse, even when volatile and polarized, but social media has provided us a screen to hide behind. And I don't mean to be holier-than-thou, because I remind myself of these points each and every day, and I don't often measure up. #dietrying

About the illustration: Pawel Kuczynski, a Polish artist, has worked in satirical illustration specialising in thought-provoking images that make his audience question their everyday lives. His subjects deal with everything from poverty to social media and politics.

Here's one for the Curiosity Book

How long does the American public care to follow a news story before it loses emotional heat?

I've watched this in an informal way and — with the exception of stories like the OJ Simpson trial, 9/11, the disappearances of Laci Peterson and Elizabeth Smart, or Kate Middleton's evolving wardrobe — it appears to average about two to three weeks. And then we move on to the next crisis, the  next controversy.

The Georgia "hot car death" story began trending within hours after the father was arrested (around 6/20/14), with reactions and opinions voiced on Facebook threads, but faded shortly after his bond hearing and his wife's hire of her own attorney (after the July 4 holiday weekend).

Even though the case itself has gone quiet for now, it's spawned flash-in-the-pan stories in the news: with the nation now hyper-alerted to children and animals left in hot cars, last week a Georgia woman was arrested after she left four kids, all under the age of six, in hers when she ran into Kroger's for about 20 minutes. An Asian couple in Brea, CA, was arrested after leaving their 3-year-old alone in the car.

The Curiosity Book

I love being a designer, especially in publications. In addition to working with all the elements of design like fonts and colors, one of my favorite parts of work is learning on a continuous basis from my clients just by reading their copy before laying it out. I love learning about the issues that inhabit and challenge their worlds.

A long time ago I started a habit of jotting down any questions that occurred when reading my clients' content. Then whenever I had time I'd Google around, jot down book titles, and talk to people to try and get answers to those questions. For years I've kept a "curiosity book," perhaps what the British would call a "commonplace book," a repository of quotes, facts and figures, and answers to questions. For example, some of the questions in mine:

What happened to the von Stauffenberg children?

What is humanism?

Which countries were part of Arab Spring?

What forces cultural change?

Process of Rwandan reconciliations?

What I've learned is this:

•  Sometimes we don't fully understand what we know. We only think we know it, but often what we really have is a conventional "derivative" of the topic, and that can be shallow or homogenized. (The Valkyrie plot failed and all the conspirators were executed.... Yes, but they had families, loved ones. What happened to them?) 

•  Humans beings are fascinating! Human effort is layered and textured, rich with hidden backstories about petty rivalries, unspoken love, and thwarted intentions. For good or evil, these are the motives that drive effort. Despite our many wars and conflicts, the bigger part of our nature is to create and discover. To do better than before.

•  Creativity is an interdisciplinary act, so it helps to know a bit about everything. The world of work does not exist apart from the world at large. Our workplaces do not exist in a vacuum, estranged from life itself. Maintaining a habit of curiosity keeps life amazing.

•  Some questions are unanswerable. They should either be tackled from multiple viewpoints, or the answers are still works in progress. Oddly, there's a sense of adventure and safety in knowing some of these questions will never be answered in my lifetime.

Creativity and emotional fraudulence

When I was a student at Carnegie Mellon University, one of my favorite professors, my drawing teacher Bill Haney, used a phrase that I still refer to today: he encouraged us to keep our visual vocabularies replenished. In present socio-cultural terms, it probably means "inner resources" — having emotional, spiritual and intellectual reserves to tap into that not only define our lives, but help us understand our experiences. (Nearly 40 years later, I was honored by Bill Haney's invitation to be in network on Linked In).

Creativity belongs to all of us. Everyone has the creativity "muscle," and it's usually got to be spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually nourished. How that's done is as individual as you are (travel, reading, music, visiting museums, hanging out with loved ones).

But I will also tell you the one feature that separates strong creatives from weak ones, and that is the ability — actually, the will — to live in an authentic, truth-seeking way. Originality, creativity, and critical thinking are closely tied.

Without those, design becomes merely ornamental; writing reads like pomposity; and sales pitches lack a sense of caring and commitment. And trust me: your audience is smart enough to know the difference. They may not voice it, but it can be felt at a gut level.

Whether you write plays or cast TV commercials or plan sales strategies, you can't hit that chord of truth unless you know how to be truthful in your own life. That chord of truth is the magical thing that makes others laugh out loud, wet in the eyes, or agree to buy services from you — because somehow, without using neon signs to say "I AM REAL," you've just shown them something authentic in raw, insightful, or very funny terms. It signals that you get it. You're not afraid to commit. You will deliver.

And it's really true: the unexamined life is not worth living, because if you're constantly sweeping things under the emotional rug, over time you're living without a lot of authenticity. Shallow relationships become easier than real ones. Forget about having crucial conversations; you stop bothering to even ask the right questions. You watch a lot of TV and come to believe celebrity highlight reels are the best life a person can have — so you watch more TV. Your relationships become more like possessions, and your possessions start to feel like achievements.

There are emotionally fraudulent people in the world. It's not that they're bad people, only that their inner reserves are skimpy, sterile, or shallow. They don't bother to replenish them, because to do so means first looking at their lives for what's missing. That can be a harsh reality to face.

Instead they prefer to lead lives that are morally convenient and/or materially comfortable. They borrow this 'n' that belief from popular TV shows or social media posts, and present such convictions as their own, to render themselves engaging and palatable. Closer to the truth, they'd rather sit home and admire their golf clubs or new rims than spend a couple hours listening to their kids' opinions. They have an uneasy relationship with the truth so they duck it at every turn.

And yes, by necessity, we all wear masks. Sometimes it's just good manners to do so, but it's no way to live. A contrived human being cannot exercise creativity any more than a copy of a copy can be called original. If you can't be honest with yourself, why on earth would anyone else trust you?

Ever chat with someone who talks like this?

(You should be able to watch the whole thing on YouTube, no problems).

This was such a stupid mistake

Please do not watch this video if you're easily offended by profanity.

So much of what one finds online is bogus or apocryphal, but let's just assume this one's absolutely 100% true: this U. S. soldier stationed in Iraq called HP tech support for help with his HP printer and was told he'd have to pay for the help.

He got rather annoyed. Understandably.

Total waste. What irks me about shabby customer service is that it's a wasted opportunity to create good will for both your products and your brand. And nothing is worse than nickel-and-diming your customers especially when they're appealing to you for help.

Now imagine what would've happened if HP tech support had actually been helpful — not only enthused to be helpful, but thanked this soldier for his loyalty as a customer, and gotten an address where he could receive packages. And then let's imagine that HP tech support pooled their resources — versus protecting that sacred cow, their bottom line — and sent an HP printer box filled with extra ink cartridges and cookies and movie DVDs and magazines for our boys overseas. I don't know: tell me if this is just too "out there"....

How much are we talking about here? An act of generosity that'd cost less than $300? What about enclosing a banner that also says, "HP thanks you for your service" that the troops can hang up in the mess hall? How much of a dent would that have put in HP's bottom line? Maybe $500? Heck, a few months ago HP's CEO got a raise from $1 million to $1.5 million. Could Meg Whitman be prevailed upon to spring for a boxload of cookies, magazines, and DVDs? Think how many loyal HP customers might've come out of it, especially if the troops then made a video thanking them for it. Among other things, how great to have a product that can withstand "combat duty" in Iraq!

OK, so HP didn't do any of that. (I can just see some dreary middle management guy droning, "Well, now, if we did that for him, we'd have customers expecting us to do it for everyone." Really? What a risk! How much of a pair do you need to have, to offer creature comforts to our soldiers in Iraq, especially knowing the disarray in the current VA, and the type of "support" these boys will be coming home to?) ...

Instead HP alienated a customer who's now made a video repudiating their product, their tech support, and their brand. No surprise, the video's been making the rounds on social media.

But if I worked for one of HP's competitors, I'd be sending this guy a new printer, plus baked goods. You better believe it. If HP can't value their customers, it's open season for someone who will.