What I Learned Teaching My Kid to Drive

           Nothing—but nothing—will test a parent’s nerves more than riding shotgun with an eager young driver who has yet to feel their own mortality, and sees the family car as the means to escape the confines of the life you have created for them.

            It is possible, however, to derive leadership lessons even as your life is flashing before your middle-aged eyes.

• Screaming doesn’t help. Most intelligent people learn from their mistakes—when they’re permitted to make them. Should you tolerate a repetition of careless mistakes? No, absolutely not; but workplace experiments made in good faith will serve two purposes—one is to manifest process problems, and the other is to create enough pain that errors never get repeated. So screaming at your employees for genuine efforts and making the mistakes natural to that is…irrelevant.

• Give support. Even white-knuckled nervous support is better than nothing. As a leader, you don’t need to man the wheel, and you’re within your rights to say, “This approach makes me a little nervous, but if you think this will work, then let me know what you need to make it happen.” Your employees are looking to you for guidance and perspective. Anything truly ill-advised deserves your wisdom: “This, my friends and colleagues, is not a ditch we’d want to die in.” But once you promise support, you’re “in the car” with them. To the end of the road.

• Leave micromanagement to the amateurs. Most micromanagers believe they’re just being conscientious bosses. Not so. Sooner or later, everyone has to get their own feel for the turn of the wheel, and to navigate in ways that make sense to them. Micromanaging your employees to the last degree not only makes them feel rattled and disempowered, but broadcasts that you don’t understand your own job well enough to maintain a bigger-picture perspective.

Lincoln's 5-Legged Dog (or: What Signals are You Sending?)

Abraham Lincoln once asked some Congressmen, "If you called the tail a leg, then how many legs would a dog have?" When they replied, "Five," Lincoln shook his head and said, "No, the dog still has four legs. Just calling that tail a leg doesn't make it so."

Organizations spend tens of thousands of hours and dollars developing eloquent customer care messages—and then overlook simple details, often in plain sight.

            One of my clients went to visit a new vendor at their offices. She knew it was a small business (but of long history); since they handled high-volume mailing operations, she didn’t expect a plush setting. And, like many businesses, they proudly stated on web site and collaterals that for over 50 years, customers came first.

            But let’s review what she experienced.

            Upon entering, she smiled slightly to see the lobby sign that welcomed her by name. Nice touch—and one she’d seen other vendors use.

            The receptionist, however, stared blankly back at her when she gave her name, and the name of her appointment. (“He’s still out to lunch, but I’ll leave him a voicemail to let him know you’re here.”) ….My client sat down in the lobby and returned calls on her cell. A group of employees came back from lunch and lingered in the lobby, laughing and joking loudly—no one greeted her, asked if she needed help, nor seemed to observe that she was trying to talk on the phone.

            She decided to freshen up in the restroom, which was a little unsettling—an overfilled wastebasket, trash on the floor, empty soap dispenser, and a damp, skimpy roll of toilet paper. She mentioned it to the receptionist, whose response was an indulgent smile — “Oh” — but not much else.

            Her appointment showed up, only a little late, and they had a pleasant meeting.

            Upon leaving, she stepped into the parking lot just in time to see an employee empty a full ashtray of cigarette butts from his car onto the pavement. He gave her a wink and she left.

            A week later, when she and her boss sat down with me to review vendor proposals, her appraisal ran like this: “Yes, they do have a long history in the business and their price isn’t bad, but….” Fortunately, her boss trusted her gut instincts and let her process her thoughts. “I’m not sure their service attitude is companywide. They seemed to think that repeating the customer care motto was evidence enough, but I’m not so sure. Don’t ask me how I came to that, it’s just something I picked up on while I was there.”

How Perception Becomes Reality

           In my recent webcast with Thought Transformation, Linda Bishop made a point that’s often overlooked:

            Whatever you’re thinking about a client and their projects will inevitably seep through in your interactions with them. Clients can and will sense feelings such as (negative) judgment, condescension, cynicism, and resistance.

            How?

            For starters, none of us is that good an actor. Our bodies are geared to disclose emotions with a variety of tiny signals—sometimes called “micro-inequities,” they can be as unsubtle as glancing at your watch while the client’s speaking, to a fleeting duck-and-dodge of eye contact when fibbing.

            Second, most humans are good at detecting those signs. We may be unable to articulate why someone made us uncomfortable, but from the cradle we’re very skilled in picking up non-verbal signals. It’s a facet of our basic survival instinct.

            Third, you can keep your guard up and maintain a good façade some of the time, but when you’re busy and things are hitting the fan, it’s easy to lose control over that. If you think your client’s prone to terrible ideas, even a tiny pause over the phone or a slight crease around the mouth can convey a smirking, “That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

            So how do you get this under control? Understand that:

            • Your client’s reality is not your reality. They have their reasons. You’re there to solve problems with them, in which case your best judgment calls should be about the work and process, versus whether or not the customer’s a champion procrastinator.

            • You need to stay away from negative nellies. You know who they are. They’re the people in your workplace who live to complain—about the boss, their co-workers’ shoes, their spouses and children, Congress, the cost of cucumbers, and—inevitably—customers. Such people will deplete your batteries without affording new insights or improvements. Shut it down. You have better things to do.

            • All individuals and systems have some degree of dysfunction. Clients undergo periods of personal and professional crisis, of confusion and difficulty. If you can demonstrate big-hearted support—even for the reasons why they can no longer give you business—you’ll have earned their trust and respect.

Has Compassion Gone Out of Style?

This is an old post I wrote years ago, but it seems more relevant now than in 2003.

I was in my car at a busy intersection, so lost in thought that I sat through the green left turn arrow. Upon realizing my mistake, I raised my hand in a flat wave ("Sorry about that!"). The driver behind me nodded, grinned, and waved his hand in a similar way ("No problem!"). No one beeped in anger or impatience.

Why do I remember such a small moment?

It happened on the afternoon of September 12, 2001. Like most Americans, I was immersed in thoughts about events of the previous day. Most of my generation had grown up in the era of skepticism, of Vietnam and Watergate, and suddenly we were patriots again. While the attacks triggered acts of hatred, they also inspired an unprecedented sense of community. Maybe the driver behind me used that small moment in traffic to express his donation to the solution: he opted to give patience.

Workplaces are more often defined by matters of ambition, goal-setting, strategies, and efficiencies, less by tiny acts of compassion. And yet compassion can fuel all the above. Here's how you can become part of the solution.

You have influence. You do not have to be a manager or CEO to influence others. By your own choice of behaviors, you give tacit permission for positive or negative conduct from others.

Listen, and establish credibility. Others are more likely to listen to us when they feel we are prepared to listen to them, not merely with passive attention but with a silence that acknowledges their words and experiences. And silence does not have to mean agreement. It's far easier to resolve disagreements when you feel you've at least been heard and understood.

Be specific in your thanks. Human beings flourish in the ways they are praised, because they're more likely to repeat and improve those abilities. Next time a co-worker hands you a completed task, give a more concrete, specific word of appreciation. Lift it out of the routine: rather than the usual "Thanks!" why not try, "You're always so quick and organized, I really appreciate that." 

Teamwork and Problem-Solving

Take a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahg6qcgoay4

The matter of how teams learn has been studied for decades, and nowhere does team problem-solving become more important than in customer service.

A customer is unhappy…often they don’t know exactly what’s wrong with a project or process, but they feel something’s not acceptable and they want the problem fixed. Or they’ve diagnosed the issue, pointed out the perceivable causes, and they want the problem fixed.

Setting aside team dysfunctions such as chronic distrust, finger-pointing, and extended grumbling, let’s consider the dynamics of a team that works well together.

Recognizing patterns. The team has solved complex problems before—in fact, it’s learned from those scenarios, and that knowledge has been faithfully stored in the team’s memory or some sort of company database.

Defined roles and quick responses. The team is so expert at problem-solving, everyone knows and does their part—often with a great deal of skill, so not a lot of time is wasted.

A history of team successes. This sort of team is often analyzed for the ingredients of their effectiveness, praised at association conferences, showered with professional rewards. Thus the team knows its knowledge is solid and unbeatable.

The video illustrates “intentional blindness”—made aware of one task, another facet of the picture was missed.

And therein lies the problem—or problems.

1. “You’re only as good as the problems you fix for us.” Service recovery is one of the few opportunities we get to show our customers what we can really do for them. If anything, customers expect a reputable team to fix problems more quickly and skillfully. Pressure’s on.

2. Misdiagnosis. The team is too quick to diagnose the problem (recognizing patterns) and arrive at a solution. Unfortunately, misdiagnosis is easy when time and money are running short, and customer displeasure is high.

3. Failure is a stranger. The team springs into action but when its efforts are not met with success, a great deal of time is wasted in dismay and growing frustration—“But this worked with the XYZ account…why didn’t it work now?”

Complacency may be the biggest disease in corporate life today, creating forms of “intentional blindness.” We often have to detach from not only the problem but also our usual problem-solving dynamics to fully perceive everything that’s happening in the picture. Next time your team is confounded by a problem, bear in mind—keeping your eyes on the ball may not be the only fix.

Please Specify the Rage of Your Choice

I’m not saying flight attendant Steve Slater isn’t a nice guy. When your mom’s terminally ill and you’ve been a well-respected employee in an industry that’s endured many declines since 9/11/01, and you routinely deal with customers who are rude, self-centered, and demanding…well, you’re bound to hit a snapping point.

The same week that Slater grabbed his beers and slid into folk-hero status, there was a news story about a woman in Toledo, Ohio, who pitched a tantrum at a fast-food drive-through window, punching the employee in the mouth before hurling a bottle through the window and driving away.

And you can Google “sideline rage” to get a complete listing of the parents who freaked out at their children’s sports events, attacking coaches, umpires, and other parents because they disagreed with a call. My home city of Atlanta measures 4.15 on the “road rage” Richter scale (with 5 being extreme rage) for having the most incidents, and of course we also have “workplace rage”—after all, what other nation originated the expression “going postal”?

So what’s my point? The air lines are still a branch of the hospitality business. Sports were intended to challenge our kids, and prepare them for healthy competition. Traffic can be infuriating, but it’s a fact of life for many cities; and work enables us to make money and have our lives and careers. And most Americans readily acknowledge that in a world filled with ethnic cleansing, starvation, poverty, and terrible natural disasters, we’re still the fat, educated, well-spoiled kids with the better schools and toys.

So…praise Mr. Slater as you will, but don’t emulate him. When it comes to customer service and your own mental health, cooler heads have to prevail. And if you’re finding it difficult to cool down, then you need to get help—from a sympathetic spouse, colleague, or manager, a professional therapist, a career coach, and/or a longer walk in the evenings. We have to be more strategic than merely pitching a fit.

Adventures in Cold Calling

I've decided the American workplace is increasingly impenetrable: Lawmakers fret our borders are too porous? Well, they should get corporate policymakers to re-engineer border patrol, because then even American citizens would have trouble gaining re-entry.

Assuming you access an organization that — commendably — doesn't use electronic greetings, what you get is that Darwinian holdout of a dying breed: the human receptionist. And, like the dodo, this animal does not understand it's already in God's waiting room.

Today's adventure went like this:

Me, the cold caller: "Hi, I'd like to speak with John CEO." (Name changed to protect blah blah blah).

Receptionist: "Who?"

Me: "John CEO."

Re: "What department's he in?"

Me: "Erm...he's your CEO."

Re: "Oh. OK. Hold on, let me check. Does he work in this building?"

Me: "If you're the corporate headquarters, I would assume so, yes."

(Muzak version of "I Wanna Know What Love Is")

Re: (returning) "OK, hon, I've done some research and it looks like Mr. CEO does work here, but he's out right now. Would you like to speak to one of his assistants?"

Me: (unstated: "I'll speak to Donald Trump if you've got him in fishnet tights")..."Sure. Who would I be speaking with?"

Re: "Hold on, let me check."

(Muzak: "Mandy"...life is cruel)

Re: (returning) "OK, hon, I'm switching you to Delphine Admin. She'll help you."

Me: "Thanks."

Re: "You have a nice (yawn) day."

Me: "Thanks."

Next: (voicemail) "Hello. This is Paul Backwater of the Employee Picnics department. I'm sorry I can't take your call right now, but...."

Me: (ringing again) "Ma'am? I was supposed to connect with your CEO's office but got your Picnics department instead. Can we try again for Delphine Admin?"

Re: "Who?!"