The Second Biggest Mistake Leaders Can Make

In the face of a slow economic recovery, pressure to "do more with less," reduced budgets, and vanishing raises or bonuses, it's easy for employees to become demoralized, start asking tough questions, and maintain a habit of complaining. As their leader, you may know how well they're justified; you may even feel sympathetic. But if you want to sabotage your own impact and authority, you'll indulge their fixation on negatives and maybe even participate in the bellyaching.
Big mistake. Here's what you can do instead:

• Fill the vacuum with positives. No raises or bonuses? Replace it with praise and recognition and appreciation. Get creative: with budgets slashed to the bone, after a very tough work period, one of my clients asked her team to contribute to a potluck lunch, during which she handed out cheap novelty-store "Oscars" for "best office manager" or "best intern." It costs nothing to say "Thank you, that was very well done, I know you went the extra mile," or to mark team successes with an informal celebration. It's not just a mark of shrewd leadership but basic civility too — and when times are tough, a premium put on civility can make work life more pleasant.

• Give evidence to maintain hope. Human beings, I've found, set up artificial barriers as reasons to stay stuck — because the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. Start citing reasons to be optimistic. Remind your team of past successes, or valuable lessons learned from tough times. Report news of industry improvements or signs of market turnarounds. Most people wait for happiness to descend up on them like the weather. Remember that optimism, like happiness (and anything else in life), is a choice.

• Hammer negativity and incivility. Complaining and negativity go viral pretty quickly, and very often it's an instigating individual or small group of individuals who reject positive evidence and "recruit" others to their point of view. Stop the viral contagion before it evolves into speculative gossip or petty forms of sabotage (enacted to prove the negative view is justified).

I'm not saying we should gloss over the very real difficulties of our times. What I am saying is that your team will not benefit from working for a leader who walks in every day with an attitude of "You know, you're right, everything sucks. I hate my job, I hated coming in today, and they're not paying me enough to uplift your spirits as well."

As leader you're not merely a higher-paid version of your employees. You not only represent them to your upper management, but you represent upper management to your employees. I've yet to meet anyone who ever said, "You know, during the rough times, our incessant complaining prepared us for the worst and got us through." More likely it was, "Things got very tough, but we had a good leader who kept our team together, dealt fair and square with everyone, kept us focused. And somehow we got through it."

The first mistake many leaders make is to forget how closely they're being observed by those who work for them. The second is closely related to the first, and that's to join your employees in whatever despair or cynicism bedevils your workplace. 

From the Madcap Idealist: Civility Media

A feature of old-stick-in-the-mud-ism is to deplore what the world is coming to.


The world has come to social media. I don't deplore it. It's a wonderful thing, to join the ambient reality of another human being's experience of life, to have immediate access to their insights and perceptions, to invite them to join in yours. And I'm old enough to remember that prescient McLuhan phrase about a "global village." 


Here we are.


One small problem: We the villagers have lost sight of a community's dearest value and commodity. We've forgotten what it means to be civil.


We use social media as a hedge to hide behind, to launch commentary that exalts those who agree with us, and shames or excoriates those who do not. It's easy to search and find punditry and stats that support our opinions; much harder to convene opposing viewpoints and agendas, and discern common ground. 


Today, public discourse is more polarized and rancorous than most Baby Boomers have ever known, yet this democracy was based on our willingness and ability to hold public discourse, whether that occurred in a town square or a Facebook thread.


Without civility, we become not merely savage (eg, the bullying of bus monitor Karen Klein), but accepting of — and inured to — savagery. We adapt and learn to avoid those who disagree or challenge us, right when we could be learning from each other. We reTweet for respect because it's far easier to press the RT icon than to actually practice civility — day-to-day and face-to-face — with that colleague or neighbor who irks us because their beliefs run antithetical to our own.


Glibly we talk about love ("our hearts and prayers go out to..."), about coming together as an American family, and embrace each other at candelight vigils for the dead, but we won't afford each other the most common courtesies in the routine run of a day. (Or, as a friend of mine put it: "Given the guys I work with, sometimes it's like death by douchebag.")


Basic courtesy is a rational act of love — for yourself, your self-respect, as a functional villager. It's an act of love for your fellow villager, your family, your community. So while reTweeting for respect and sharing anti-violence memes on Facebook, why not ramp up a couple other actions?


Hold the door open for someone else. Give up your seat on the subway to someone who maybe needs it more. Don't walk away from the copier with the paper jam you just caused. React to inflammatory behaviors with restraint, not insult or denigration. Understand that someone who disagrees with your opinion likely has an intensely personal experience of the same issue — and that is worth respecting. Choose not to shun, goad, provoke, or even to raise your voice. Articulate your disagreement not with name-calling, but with facts, figures, compassion, and a desire to learn more. If you're active on social media, curate diverse points of view, not merely rallying those who agree with you. Become the example, because we really need good leaders right now.

It takes nothing to be kind. The alternative is far more costly: if July 20 in Aurora, Colorado, taught us anything, it's that the ultimate WMD may be a single human being, existing in isolation, fully alive only when online, twisted by rage and illness.

7 Habits of Exceptional Leaders

7. 

He understands the expertise and accolades that got him into his current position aren't the same skillset needed to be effective in the new leadership position.

6.

She practices the regular "walkabout" to learn how employees live out the work day. 

This is not to check on them, but to enhance relationships and understanding. 

(Ever work for a boss who holed up in her office all day and never appeared except to impart reproaches and bad news?)

5. 

He never forgets that his walk will far outweigh his talk. 

Smart leaders know that employees are more likely to be guided by 

close observations of the boss's actions. 

(Ever work for a manager who insisted on courteous behavior towards customers, then denigrated staff for minor transgressions? Pontificated about punctuality and a high work ethic, only to habitually come in late and leave early for personal reasons?)

4.

She's unfailingly courteous. She — or her proxies — promptly return calls and email. 

She's not so besotted with her own position that the basic thank-you note 

has fallen beneath her, and even if she's the most powerful person at the conference table, she will thank others for their time.

3. 

He constantly works at becoming a better listener.

Effective leaders will listen fully to your point of view, even if they disagree.

2.

She knows how to turn stated values into daily habits — 

not merely for her organization, but for herself first.

And the #1:

He's not so arrogant that he dismisses professional opinions and advisory from staff, 

at the same time he's seeking the same from peers, experts, specialists, and consultants.

What about you? 

Which qualities do you find most inspiring or engaging among the great leaders you've known? As a leader yourself, what works for you in motivating staff?

The Best Crisis Handling Solution is Prevention

Every organization will face a crisis at least once every three to five years. Its cause may be internal (lapsed judgment), or external (natural forces), but the best way to handle a crisis is to first anticipate it as fully as possible.

A naïve, passive, or myopic organizational culture will believe nothing bad can happen to it, because so far nothing has. Many organizations simply regard preventive measures with distaste, as if envisioning calamity is equal to inviting it.

But then look at what happened with the BP oil crisis. One of the dismaying aspects was public realization that BP had no “Plan B.” As oil gushed like blood from a wound, it became clear nobody at BP really knew how to respond, and that fueled public disgust with BP’s leadership. We need and expect leadership to know what to do when things hit the fan—but even more, to know how to anticipate and prevent such things from occurring.

The point of crisis handling is prevention, not to ask, “What could possibly happen?” but rather “What would be the consequences to this organization and its constituents if the worst possible thing did happen?”

For starters, posing a question like that gets brains at the table thinking about what those worst-case scenarios might even be. And from there you can block out crisis preparedness plans, and their corresponding messages to the public.

To avoid that analysis on the superstition that it would only invite trouble is . . . well, foolish, to say the least, and the last thing you want is to have your customers assume the role of warning alarms.

Post-incident, as company spokespeople waited on lawyers to vet hastily constructed messaging from PR professionals, plenty of customers have stood in front of TV mikes telling the public, “I warned them over and over again, it was a disaster waiting to happen!”

The Leader as “People Person”

Stadion CEO Tim Chapman advises young people entering the investment management business with this: “Remember there are people and stories behind those accounts. I’ve never had a client talk to me in [the language of the stock market]. What they do say is ‘I want to be able to retire...to educate my kids...’ so be a good people person.”

L for listening.

Without question, the best leaders are skilled listeners. Period.

E for engaging.

The writer Antoine St. Exupery said a leader could tell his people how to build boats, or teach them to love the sea. If the latter happens, those who follow will quickly—eagerly—learn everything they can about building boats, and they’ll learn a great deal about the sea as well. Managers engage their people at one level, for process improvement; leaders engage at another—for the longer view, the bigger picture, the enticing vision of what could be. Also, successful leaders are good at enhancing their customer’s vision of possibilities.

A for accountability.

People in formal roles of leadership can get away with a lot: the media is filled with stories of leaders who’ve helped themselves to company coffers, or we’ve worked for bosses who admonish employees for being slack or tardy while maintaining freewheeling work habits themselves. Bottom line: As a leader, you must be accountable in the same ways you’re holding your people accountable; and when it comes to customers, you must be consistent and disciplined in how you hold yourself accountable.

D for discretion.

I’ve talked with leaders who have no qualms about discussing their employees’ private lives and struggles. Some do this with compassion, in understanding the bigger picture of an individual’s life. Others trade in the currency of idle gossip. Gossip is natural—merely the way people connect to one another, especially in the workplace—but a leader who constantly dabbles in it is gambling with his authority. For a customer to know you’re into petty gossip triggers serious qualms about your professionalism.

E (again) for ego.

It’s natural for leaders to have large passions, but the successful ones balance their egos with constant self-reflection. They also surround themselves with loved ones who keep them grounded and help them through the most painful moments of self-reckoning. When it comes to customers, skilled leaders are, at their core, humble—not as a way of “sucking up,” but because they know their livelihoods would not exist otherwise.

R for reality-checking.

Leaders who surround themselves with sycophants and “yes men” are blocking off streams of crucial information. If informal advisors are driving away formal ones, if the ones in agreement with you are outnumbering those who maintain critical thinking positions, then you may have a problem on your hands, particularly if your advisors are blocking you from authentic customer insights (complaints). Surround yourself with people who aren’t afraid to tell you the truth as they see it. Deal real.

How Does a Leader Behave?

L for loneliness.

This is the first self-reflection and decision every leader faces. Major Dick Winters  (portrayed in “Band of Brothers”) reflected that he did not hang out with his men. He loved the men under his command, but maintained distance and detachment. Leadership can be an isolated and isolating role, so I always tell young and emerging leaders you can either be popular, or you can be a leader, but you can’t have both.

E for execution.

Sooner or later, action must be taken; plans must be executed. Leaders zero in on the deliverables, and how those can be achieved. Without this driving sense of execution, all you have is “panel discussion.”

A for acuity.

They’re visionary and intellectual; they like to see things evolve from one stage to the next. Leaders often see things others can’t; they maintain the proverbial “bigger picture” in their heads. Not everyone who “gets it” is a leader; but every effective leader I know is a person who “gets it.”

D for delegation.

Leaders understand delegation is for the greater good, not merely a mechanism of authority. Sure, it may be easier to just do the task yourself, but if you delegate, there’s substantial group learning to be gained. And it’s important to delegate tasks to the right individuals. Also, a strong leader understands that each of us needs time and space to use our imagination and creativity when asked to do a job, so once a task is delegated, they leave you alone to do it (which may be why my favorite leaders have not been micromanagers).

E (again) for ego.

Outsized egos may appear commanding, but egotistical leaders don’t last: sooner or later, their narcissism creates relationship failures. Seasoned leaders do not let power or authority go to their heads, and they don’t worry about who receives the credit. If they receive credit as an individual, they’ll quickly refer to the team effort.

R for respect, reflection, and resilience.

Again, I defer to Dick Winters, whose men often said they’d happily follow him into hell:

• You win respect not because of rank or position, but because you’re a leader of character.
• Look in the mirror every night and ask yourself if you did your best.
• Hang tough! Never, ever, give up.

What Defines a Leader?

Since challenging circumstances often need a variety of approaches, a leader is someone who sees and defines what has to be done, and then deploys the most suitable leadership approach so the goal of the mission is served, along with the needs of those who’ll be accountable for providing the solution.

A leader may not come up with the answer, but she’ll coach and support the collective search for it. A leader also tracks and observes group dynamics, to make sure people are assigned, included, and given safe forum to work out process problems.

A leader likes to execute, to take action, and to evaluate those actions so wasteful effort is eliminated, and successful actions studied for repetition and gain. 

The truly great leaders know to lead by example—perhaps in small acts of civility, such as making sure everyone gets heard, or intervening when tempers are starting to fray.

And, like literary heroes, any time a leader goes out on a limb to risk something, he takes what’s been learned back to the group so the lesson can be shared. Whatever benefits the group will not be jealously hoarded by a good leader as evidence of her own value. Great leaders share and spread credit as much as possible.

Typically our society has revered single-note leaders with that one winning formula, but as the world continues to change, we need as much versatility of thought and action from our leaders as we see in the diversity of humanity.

Leadership Series: Take Me to Your Leader

Within every workgroup, you have some staples: there’s the slacker, who can’t be counted on for anything except to show up when the job’s done, in an effort to soak up accolades…the willing but uninspired follower who’ll do whatever’s necessary, but has to be told what to do at every step…the constant critic, who knows how everything should be done, but isn’t crazy about assuming any real responsibilities because he’s already overcommitted to so many things requiring his brilliance.

And then there’s that mysterious, elusive character — the leader. Amid the flow of personalities and work, very few understand what it really means to be a leader.

Good leadership is often hard to define, but everyone knows when they’re working with a good leader just like they know when they’re operating in a leadership vacuum.

Some leaders are natural managers, which is the job of making sure processes are running efficiently and regularly improved.

Others are visionaries, less effective with day-to-day operations, but impressive innovators and new-thought pioneers.

There are contradictions as well: take-charge personalities don’t always make the best leaders, and folks who made straight A’s in school often become better specialists than generals of men and women.

Some group circumstances thrive from servant-leaders, those low-key people who bring up the rear rather than charge from the front, because that’s how they gather insight on what has to be done, and how it can be sustainably done. Individuals may have influence but few leadership skills, just as formal leaders may have authority but fail miserably at behaving responsibly.

And, very often, people with robust leadership abilities do not collaborate well with other strong leaders like themselves. Queen bees have been known to fight to the death.

So what’s a plausible working definition of a leader?

Over the next couple blogs, I’ll be discussing this.

Caril and Charlie, Holly and Kit, Ravi and Michelle

Finally on Saturday night I caught a movie I wasn't permitted to see back in 1973 when it first released, which I haven't seen in the years going from 15 to 52. And, as Lauren Bacall once said, any time you see an old movie for the first time, it's really a new movie.

Pretty ironic, to finally watch "Badlands." Martin Sheen is lean and gorgeous, playing a small-town hustler who's so desperate for a sense of importance, he fixates on other men's hats as a way of adding to his own stature. There is foreshadowing of the bad boy Charlie Sheen played later in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," but the character of Kit is neither irreverent nor iconoclastic. This guy's an outright psycho, trigger-happy and self-involved, all the more because it's dressed up with a chilling good-ole boy courtesy—meaning he'll open the door for you after he's shot you in the back and sees you're staggering to get out of the sun.

And then there's Sissy Spacek, ostensibly a small-town good girl, so virginal she grabs her schoolbooks after Kit's shot her father, before she hops into the car to join Kit on a cross-country killing spree. His shootings garner little more than an eye roll, as if she's saying, "Oh, there you go again." She doesn't concern herself with the same social niceties as Kit. On the surface she seems passive, strangely dead-assed, but her voice-over sounds so much like a cheap novel, you realize this kid's got some twisted pathologies as well.

Why so ironic? Because these two are so desensitized and self-absorbed, I couldn't help thinking of Ravi and Michelle, the two Rutgers students who so cruelly outed a fellow classmate, he committed suicide last month rather than face what they'd done to his life. Like their prototypes, Caril Fugate and Charlie Starkweather, Kit and Holly invaded a rich man's home and went through his things.

They relied on a gun, whereas Ravi and Michelle had video cams and the Internet. Back then they put Starkweather in the electric chair, then wrote off the spree killers as a grotesque blip on the social radar. Nobody wanted to contemplate a world routinely populated with Starkweathers, no more than we want to think maybe kids like Ravi and Michelle aren't anomalies but part of a norm — kids who are bright and promising, but utterly lacking in empathy and compassion. Academic excellence with zero character. No one who would say, "Ravi, you're being a first-class jerk. Nothing good will come of this. Stop it now or I'll do something to stop it."

We lament the bullies but don't ask, "Where are the kids who risk social censure to protect the vulnerable and stand up to bullies?" What is done to support them? (Meanwhile prosecutors are muddling, "Is this a hate crime? Is it merely invasion of privacy? What is it, exactly?")

One imagines Ravi finding himself center stage among his mates, a temporary king of comedy. Nothing else could explain the audacity of his Twitter posts. Little is yet known about Michelle Wei, but could she have been a seemingly passive sidekick whose pathologies found a catalyst in Ravi? Did they really think Tyler Clementi would join them later in laughing about it all, like one of Ashton Kutcher's "Punk'd" episodes? that he wouldn't mind their invasions? because whether the invasion is done with a gun or a Twitter account, it's still all about violence, and I'm not sure the Ravis and Michelles of our times get that. We still think "real" violence is meted with physical blows, maybe from a gun.

What I Learned Teaching My Kid to Drive

           Nothing—but nothing—will test a parent’s nerves more than riding shotgun with an eager young driver who has yet to feel their own mortality, and sees the family car as the means to escape the confines of the life you have created for them.

            It is possible, however, to derive leadership lessons even as your life is flashing before your middle-aged eyes.

• Screaming doesn’t help. Most intelligent people learn from their mistakes—when they’re permitted to make them. Should you tolerate a repetition of careless mistakes? No, absolutely not; but workplace experiments made in good faith will serve two purposes—one is to manifest process problems, and the other is to create enough pain that errors never get repeated. So screaming at your employees for genuine efforts and making the mistakes natural to that is…irrelevant.

• Give support. Even white-knuckled nervous support is better than nothing. As a leader, you don’t need to man the wheel, and you’re within your rights to say, “This approach makes me a little nervous, but if you think this will work, then let me know what you need to make it happen.” Your employees are looking to you for guidance and perspective. Anything truly ill-advised deserves your wisdom: “This, my friends and colleagues, is not a ditch we’d want to die in.” But once you promise support, you’re “in the car” with them. To the end of the road.

• Leave micromanagement to the amateurs. Most micromanagers believe they’re just being conscientious bosses. Not so. Sooner or later, everyone has to get their own feel for the turn of the wheel, and to navigate in ways that make sense to them. Micromanaging your employees to the last degree not only makes them feel rattled and disempowered, but broadcasts that you don’t understand your own job well enough to maintain a bigger-picture perspective.