Over 20 years ago this month, my friend and colleague Nathan ended his own life. He was only in his early 40s and it was a terrible shock to all of us who loved and respected him, and about a year later his mother, only in her early 60s, passed on as well, no doubt from a broken heart.
Nowadays, as I see the approach of her age coming up in my own years, I think about how and why things end.
Things end when people believe they've run out of options — or ideas. They're tired of trying, of problem-solving, of looking for alternatives. They're tired of the problem, that it exists at all.
Things end when people feel the burn of a constant disagreement and know they can no longer "agree to disagree." The state of disagreement becomes untenable.
Things end when it's healthier for an untenable situation to close, simply close. Sometimes the pain of ending things is less than the pain of living them out to no discernible conclusion.
In my job, I am constantly looking for solutions for my clients; it would be unacceptable for me to ever tell a client, "I'm sorry but that can't be done".... If Plan A is a bust, then let's try Plan B, or Plan C, or a hybrid of Plans C and F. And because that's the way I've lived for nearly 30 years, it's hard for me to accept it when people stop trying—or don't even begin to try at all. Coming up in the world of self-employment, I learned the try is what makes every risk and effort worthwhile of hope; but I've also learned that we each have different notions of "try." And so there's another lesson that comes with age: acceptance.
Acceptance. Finding one's own resilience again (and again, and again). Hope for the future. And peace to my friend Nathan's spirit, wherever he is.
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